Putin’s Feline Spy goes Rogue in Russia



Just six months ago Putin was in favour amongst the tabloids, with a touching story of releasing three orphan Amur tigers into the wild. Six months on and the balance appears restored, as the same tigers have invaded China and slaughtered local farmers’ livestock. This has naturally been seen as a passive aggressive move from the Russian President, in a cunning scheme designed to target China where it will hit them hardest.


Earlier this year, in an attempt to sway peoples’ opinion of the stone-faced, black-belted Russian, Putin’s advisers arranged for him to aid in the release of three Amur tigers. Borya, Kuzya and Ilona were filmed bounding off to freedom, while publicists desperately reminded Putin to smile. This is one of several staged events the President has undertaken in the past few years, which he openly admits were forced, but credit where credit’s due, still raise public awareness of conservation.


This innocent act turned sour when the female tiger Kuzya braved the depths of the Amur river to arrive on the shores of North Eastern China. In a dramatic turnaround Putin was accused of ‘territory infringement’, having apparently given direct orders to the tiger. Protocol of a premeditated territory breach by animals has not yet been put in place, hence unease ensued as China became aware that a feline spy was in their midst. After much discussion by both sides it was concluded that the tiger was not, in fact, part of an elaborate infiltration scheme. China generously ensured they would do all they could to protect the Russian guest.


Recent events, however, seem to have re-opened this case as Putin once again attempted alternative invasion. Unfortunately this time it appears that Putin lost control of his operative, who turned rogue upon reaching China’s borders. Local farmers awoke to ‘dead goats everywhere’ as five goats were found to have been slaughtered. This inevitably caused havoc in the media, with accusations of ‘Putin’s tiger’ going on a ‘slaughter spree’ in China. Speculation soared as to whether this had been part of Putin’s master plan. Five goats down and one step closer to world domination. It seems to have been bypassed that the suspect in question, Ustin, was a tiger released last year unaided by the President. Despite such arousal in the media, Russia and China’s relationship remains stronger than in past years, where simple rumours of a feline spy may have catalysed unfriendly fire.


Questions now arise as to what weapons of war may be next, and whether China should be on the alert for suspicious looking pigeons.

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